"More of that Delightful Survey, Eh, Whitmore?" "Bluuurrrpp!"
I hope you all take the time to read this portion of it, as it is funny, insightful, and reflects some of my deepest beliefs. It took me a while, so read the frickin' thing.
Favorites:
Color:: Every shade of green and blue, yellow and gold, white. Reds and oranges are nice, too.
Food:: Seafood, salads, both fruit and vegetable, corn and clam chowder, tuna melts, chicken, french fries, sushi.
Song:: Please, do not make me choose!
Show:: Scrubs, Angel, Smallville, Ken Burn’s America, Magnum P.I., Jeopardy, Fraiser, Jeeves and Wooster
School subject:: Sociology, Psychology, World Religion
Band/singer/artist:: Mike Doughty, Brendan Smith, Stephen Konefal for artists, too many bands to choose from. See the previous portion and read the music part. I'd like to add Marc Cohn to the list, if I could.
Animal:: Wolverine, Fussa, Emerald Tree Viper, Salt Water Crocodile, Osprey, Great Horned Owl, Octopus, Praying Mantis, Hell Bender, Red Eyed Tree Frog
Outfit:: Tight jeans, yellow jersey with the sleeves rolled up, sneakers, no underwear. Or, corduroy sport coat, khakis, shiny green shirt, red flower tie.
Radio station:: WRNX, 100.9, and 102.9
Movie:: See blog profile
Pair of shoes:: My DM’s!
Cartoon:: Johnny Bravo, old Dexter’s Lab, Family Guy, Futurama, Rejected, The Simpsons, SeaLab2021, Batman the Animated Series, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Saddlerash Gulch, Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law, Johnny Quest, old or new, Scooby Doo, Where are you?.
Actor:: John Travolta, Ron Perlman, Micheal Wincott, Morgan Freeman, Michael Madsen, Chris Walken, Alec Baldwin, William H. Macy, Tommy Lee Jones, Danny Trejo, Tim Curry, Michael J. Fox, John Lithgow, Donald and Kiefer Sutherland, Johnny Depp, Christopher Lee, Christopher Lloyd, Walter Matthau, Jack Lemmon, Steve Martin Bill Murray, Jack Black, Christopher McDonald Forest Whitaker, Robert Duval, Dennis Hopper, Ray Liotta, John Cusack, Sean Astin, John Astin . . . the list doesn’t stop!
Actress:: Kathy Bates, Andie MacDowell, Lucy Lui, Dianne Keaton, Angelina Jolie, Kyra Sedgewick, Amanda Peet, Famke Jansen, Michelle Wu, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith,
Chip:: Sour cream and onion, ridged, or Dark Russet
Drink::Ginger Ale, SoBe, Milk, Water, Juice, Powerade.
Holiday:: Halloween, April Fool’s Day
Perfume/cologne:: Nautica, Tsar, Polo, and Old Spice, baby!
Pizza topping:: Barbecue chicken
Jello flavor:: Raspberry
Lunch meat:: Roast beef
Card Game:: Go Fish, Solitare, War!
Website:: Homestar, Whippedass, Fetbot, Spanklink, FiggaFiggaFoo, Superspecialquestions, Bitterfilms.com, blogspot.com,
Book:: See blog profile
Computer game::Video Game? Vice City, baby!
Number:: 8, 1, 2, 18, 13, 23, 49, 297
Cereal:: Frosted Flakes
Comedian:: Jon Stewart, Dave Attel, Jim Gaffigan, Louis C.K., Stephen Wright, Brian Regan, Lewis Black, myself of course. Nobody put me down. YOU BASTARDS!
Dessert:: Oreos and Milk, fruit, sundaes, cheese cake, strawberry rhubarb pie, cocnut creme pie.
Disney character:: Scar, Timon and Pumba, Sebastian, Gaston, Mufasa, the Genie, Todd and Copper,
Clothing store:: I hate clothes shopping. No, wait! Victoria’s Secret.
Past time:: Uh . . . reading, writing? Do those count?
Teacher:: I dislike most all of my teachers for some reason or other. Then again, I kinda like some of them, too.
Childhood toy:: LEGOS!
Carnival game/ride:: The Mind Eraser, The Rotor, The Sea Dragon, The Log Ride, The Sling Shot. For games? I don’t like to play any, but the emotions the invoke, the allusions and the history that comes with them and the carnival itself, I love.
Candy bar:: PayDay, Mounds
Magazine:: Playboy, Entertainment Weekly, TIME, Smithsonian, National Geographic.
Salad dressing:: Italian, Caesar, though usually none.
Thing to do on the weekend:: Hang out and play soccer
Hot drink:: Coffee if I’m tired and need to wake up, green or orange pekoe tea otherwise. Season:: I love fall and spring
Sport to watch:: Crew races, because I can appreciate the effort involved, football, boxing, rugby, but not professional.
Person to talk to online:: Hmmm . . . everyone has their advantages and disadvantages.
Night Time:
Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits :: I sleep 3-6 hours a night, from 11 or 3 until 5, then nap for several hours during the day.
What color are your sheets:: Pink . . . the ladies like ‘em.
What color are your bedroom walls:: Off-white
Do you have posters on your wall:: a calendar and a map of Australia
If so of what:: Pay attention to my answers, damn it!
Do you have a tv in your bedroom:: not anymoreHow many pillows are on your bed:: two
What do you normally sleep in:: boxers, or the nude.
Describe your favorite pair of pajamas:: my birthday suit
What size bed do you have:: I think it’s full . . . of sexy naked people!
Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed:: I useda have a bunk bed
Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom:: Sadly no.
Describe the last nightmare you had:: A strange woman rearranged the books in my study that I spent days organizing and I was powerless to stop her.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals:: Not anymore.
How many people can comfortably sleep comfortably in your bed:: Probably two. Comfortably sleep comfortably? You redundant fiend!
Any unusual sleeping positions:: always on my stomach, legs spread, one arm crooked under my pillow, the one on the side my head is turned, and the other extended up and away.
Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling:: Luckily not anymore
Do you snore:: no, but I scream.
How about drool:: yeah . . . uh . . . I can’t think of anything to say to this . . . WHORE!
Do you have an alarm clock in your room:: Nope! Wait, pieces of one.
What color is the carpet in your room:: polished hardwood carpet
What's under your bed:: skis, boxes o’ crap, nudie magazines, guns, my artwork . . . you know, the usual.
This or that:
Loser/wannabe:: Wannabe.
Doughnuts/bagels:: Depends on whether the tide is up or not, doesn’t it, you prick!?
Day/night:: Night . . . yeah night.
Wicked witch of the east/wicked witch of the west:: Uh . . . if the West one is a Cowgirl and the East one is a Samurai . . . both!
Heaven/hell:: Heaven, maybe, but I don’t think hell is eternal, so maybe I might like it there for a while, if there’s hot female demon whipping me . . .
Make love/have sex:: Depends on who with . . . whom with? Make Love to Caitlin, Have Sex with Tara, Fuck in the Ear, Jess Guenette.
Coffee/tea:: Didn’t you ask this in favorites?
Hamburgers/hotdogs:: By hotdogs, do you mean penises? Burgers, just in case you don’t.
Rap/rock:: Yeah, like 95% rock, if those are the only two in the survey.
Britney/Christina:: Christina? Well, if I had two condoms . . .
Swiss cheese/american cheese:: Swiss, baby! I hate American Cheese. (I think I can be strip searched for saying that under the Patriot Act.)
Real World/Road Rules:: If they were all brought to an alien world in which they had to fight each other to the death, that’d be a good show.
Backstreet Boys/*Nsync:: ‘Nsync. Justin is HOT!
Silver/gold:: Silver, but I look better in gold.
Nike/Adidas:: Converse or Pumas.
McDonalds/Taco Bell:: McDonalds. Stupid pseudo-Mexicans . . .
Sweet/sour:: I’m a lil’ a both, baby.Punk/emo:: I hate them both enough to stab myself in the eye with a leg of lamb.
Hot/cold:: Depends on the level of fairies. I’ll say cold for the nipple erections. Yeah, I like the cold more.
Winter/summer:: Winter
Spring/fall:: Fall
Operas/plays:: Plays
Read/watch tv:: READ!
Cd's/tapes:: I’ll say Cassette tapes, because most of my Garth Brooks and Jimmy Buffett are on them.
Dvd's/vhs:: VHS!
Old/new:: I’ll say old. I’m an antiquarian, damnit!
Shorts/skirts:: I prefer to wear skirt. You heard me!
Pink/red:: Red, the color of fiery passion, burning rage, martyrdom, or violence
Colored pictures/black and white photos:: Colored people . . . I mean pictures.
Meat/vegetables:: Vegetables. I’m considering vegetarianism. (Dodges flying card) C’mon, Tony, I said “considering!”
Mexican food/chinese food:: Did Tony make the joke about egg rolls wrapped in tacos? Both.
Commercials/infomercials:: Unless it’s an infomercial with a lot of scantily clad exercising women, commercials.
Scary movies/comedies:: Comedies. A well done horror film is hard to come by.
Bikinis/one piece bathing suits:: Bikinis!
Sandals/tennis shoes:: Sandals!
Dogs/cats:: Both . . . a hybrid, actually.
Unicorns/fairies:: I love the movie the Last Unicorn, but I’ma hafta go with Faeries. Unless you mean Fairies, in which case my answer is the same. (I’m lookin’ at you, Mike Pytka.)
Water/land:: I think land.
Sugar/spice:: Both? You mean those chicks from Batman Forever, right? I dunno, unless you have everything nice and chemical X, you’re kinda outta luck with just the first two.
Black/white:: White.
ribbons/bows:: ribbons?
Chicken/beef:: I feel better about eating chickens than eating cows. I’ll say chicken. Plus I like the taste better.
Colored/White Christmas lights:: Whichever one Jesus had. No, wait. He probably had colored, with the whole lovin’ everybody regardless of race, creed, or gender. I like the white ones more.
Cars/trucks:: Well, depends on the vehicle in question, don’t it?
Austin Powers/James Bond:: Bond. James Bond.
Popcorn/pretzels:: Popcorn! No contest. I love the one, hate the other. HATE!
Hip/hop:: Uh . . . hip. I like hips.
Passionate kiss/peck:: Passionate kiss.
WWE wrestling/ real wrestling:: Real wrestling, the kind with mud, two sexy women, and John Candy involved. STRIPES!
Back rub/foot massage:: Are you seriously asking me this? Well, I’d rather give the foot one and receive the back one.
Picture frames/photo albums:: Frames for paintings, albums for pisctures.
Pens/pencils:: Pencils.
What Is Your Opinion Of The Following
Eminem:: Unquestionable talent, but not smart, good looking, kind, or responsible, so . . . bust a cap in his ass!
Virgins:: Thanks for nothing!
God:: Beyond our understanding, She loves us more than we can imagine. She is not, however, all-powerful or all-knowing. Sorry, Ma’am, but you’re not.
The Osbournes:: Great show for three episodes. After that, kill ‘em.
Reality TV:: I hate it. It, along with most of pop culture today, is the epitome of all that is wrong with this country.
J.Lo:: BIG ass! Boo yeah! Other than that, bad actress, bad singer, bad person. Kill her!
Religion:: If it was more disorganized it’d be better. Religion would be AWESOME if there were no people to fuck it up.
Emo music:: Emo? I hate the word, as I hate all Montagues, and thee!
Valentine's Day:: Stupid holiday, but cool massacre.
Christina Aguilera's comeback:: She made a come back? Or do you mean has cum on her back? That makes sense.
Homosexuals:: 10% of the population can’t be wrong. It’s a bit like in Underworld. Since I’m bi, I get the best of both worlds, and could so kick Vincent’s ass if my girlfriend didn’t cut his head in half. Seriously, they’re people, and I hate people in general. But not because of sexual orientation. They should have the same rights as we do.
Abortion:: It’s an odious practice, but you CANNOT take away a woman’s right to choose. So FUCK OFF, Pro-Lifers!
Inter-racial relationships:: We need to mix the gene pool up a bit. I’m all for them.
Murder:: I like it. Next to arson, my favorite violent crime. Seriously, it is necessary sometimes.
Death:: The next big adventure!
Obesity:: Problem, but it makes for some cool fictional characters. I love MOJO!
Pre-marital sex:: Nothing wrong with it, but probably best to wait.
Terrorism:: I’m all for it, but c’mon guys, blow up someone who deserves it for a change. I can give you the addresses of some people that really need to be in pieces . . . where does Sr. Connie live again?
Pornography:: It started, believe it or not, as a way to induce a sexual free love revolution. I love it, myself, absolutely could not live without it. Too bad about the whole HIV thing. Back off, you fucking prudes!
Fortune Tellers:: It’d be cool to find a real one. Ms. Cleo was in Vice City . . . .
Prostitution:: Legalize it, it’d help the economy. Vegas has the right idea. I’m also tired of serial killers targeting prostitutes.
Politics:: The concept is good, but corrupt, partisan assholes are ruining this country.
Country music:: I love it!
George W. Bush:: A stupid bastard who deserves to die. At least he’s no longer a coked-up drunk.
Cloning:: Let’s do it! Look at all the great stuff cloning brought us, The Sixth Day, Star Wars: Episode 2, the wars on Krypton . . . uh . . . on second thought . . .
Britney's boobs:: Magnificence!
Gas prices in America:: I wannan electric car! I hate oil companies!
Well, I'll hopefully have the big one later on, but this'll do for now. What? What's that you say? Something about a Joke Corner? Oh my goodness, how could I dis-rememer? Here we are:
Rich's Joke Corner:
How can you tell a blonde has sent you a fax? There's a stamp on it!
Midway through the film, Cindy turned to her friend and said, "The guy next to me is masturbating."
"Well, tell him to stop."
"I can't," Cindy explained, "He's using my hand.
A car hit a ten year old boy and drove off. A man across the street saw this happen, ran to the boy and tried to comfort him. "Would you like me to get a priest?" the man asked.
The boy replied, "How can you think of sex at a time like this?"
(The car eventually sped off a cliff and the driver, sobering up, screamed in panic as he plummetted to his death. Out of blind, senseless fear, he slammed on the brakes while soaring through the air. Those aren't gonna help you much, buddy, why don't you try the emergency brake? Luckily, he survived the fall, but as he was climbing out of the wreckage, he was torn apart by wolves.) (I added this because the original had the driver getting away as far as the story went, and I hate hit and run and or drunk drivers. Also, it has a reference to Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey.)
Well, that be all for now. I'm off to study Bio.
Favorites:
Color:: Every shade of green and blue, yellow and gold, white. Reds and oranges are nice, too.
Food:: Seafood, salads, both fruit and vegetable, corn and clam chowder, tuna melts, chicken, french fries, sushi.
Song:: Please, do not make me choose!
Show:: Scrubs, Angel, Smallville, Ken Burn’s America, Magnum P.I., Jeopardy, Fraiser, Jeeves and Wooster
School subject:: Sociology, Psychology, World Religion
Band/singer/artist:: Mike Doughty, Brendan Smith, Stephen Konefal for artists, too many bands to choose from. See the previous portion and read the music part. I'd like to add Marc Cohn to the list, if I could.
Animal:: Wolverine, Fussa, Emerald Tree Viper, Salt Water Crocodile, Osprey, Great Horned Owl, Octopus, Praying Mantis, Hell Bender, Red Eyed Tree Frog
Outfit:: Tight jeans, yellow jersey with the sleeves rolled up, sneakers, no underwear. Or, corduroy sport coat, khakis, shiny green shirt, red flower tie.
Radio station:: WRNX, 100.9, and 102.9
Movie:: See blog profile
Pair of shoes:: My DM’s!
Cartoon:: Johnny Bravo, old Dexter’s Lab, Family Guy, Futurama, Rejected, The Simpsons, SeaLab2021, Batman the Animated Series, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Saddlerash Gulch, Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law, Johnny Quest, old or new, Scooby Doo, Where are you?.
Actor:: John Travolta, Ron Perlman, Micheal Wincott, Morgan Freeman, Michael Madsen, Chris Walken, Alec Baldwin, William H. Macy, Tommy Lee Jones, Danny Trejo, Tim Curry, Michael J. Fox, John Lithgow, Donald and Kiefer Sutherland, Johnny Depp, Christopher Lee, Christopher Lloyd, Walter Matthau, Jack Lemmon, Steve Martin Bill Murray, Jack Black, Christopher McDonald Forest Whitaker, Robert Duval, Dennis Hopper, Ray Liotta, John Cusack, Sean Astin, John Astin . . . the list doesn’t stop!
Actress:: Kathy Bates, Andie MacDowell, Lucy Lui, Dianne Keaton, Angelina Jolie, Kyra Sedgewick, Amanda Peet, Famke Jansen, Michelle Wu, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith,
Chip:: Sour cream and onion, ridged, or Dark Russet
Drink::Ginger Ale, SoBe, Milk, Water, Juice, Powerade.
Holiday:: Halloween, April Fool’s Day
Perfume/cologne:: Nautica, Tsar, Polo, and Old Spice, baby!
Pizza topping:: Barbecue chicken
Jello flavor:: Raspberry
Lunch meat:: Roast beef
Card Game:: Go Fish, Solitare, War!
Website:: Homestar, Whippedass, Fetbot, Spanklink, FiggaFiggaFoo, Superspecialquestions, Bitterfilms.com, blogspot.com,
Book:: See blog profile
Computer game::Video Game? Vice City, baby!
Number:: 8, 1, 2, 18, 13, 23, 49, 297
Cereal:: Frosted Flakes
Comedian:: Jon Stewart, Dave Attel, Jim Gaffigan, Louis C.K., Stephen Wright, Brian Regan, Lewis Black, myself of course. Nobody put me down. YOU BASTARDS!
Dessert:: Oreos and Milk, fruit, sundaes, cheese cake, strawberry rhubarb pie, cocnut creme pie.
Disney character:: Scar, Timon and Pumba, Sebastian, Gaston, Mufasa, the Genie, Todd and Copper,
Clothing store:: I hate clothes shopping. No, wait! Victoria’s Secret.
Past time:: Uh . . . reading, writing? Do those count?
Teacher:: I dislike most all of my teachers for some reason or other. Then again, I kinda like some of them, too.
Childhood toy:: LEGOS!
Carnival game/ride:: The Mind Eraser, The Rotor, The Sea Dragon, The Log Ride, The Sling Shot. For games? I don’t like to play any, but the emotions the invoke, the allusions and the history that comes with them and the carnival itself, I love.
Candy bar:: PayDay, Mounds
Magazine:: Playboy, Entertainment Weekly, TIME, Smithsonian, National Geographic.
Salad dressing:: Italian, Caesar, though usually none.
Thing to do on the weekend:: Hang out and play soccer
Hot drink:: Coffee if I’m tired and need to wake up, green or orange pekoe tea otherwise. Season:: I love fall and spring
Sport to watch:: Crew races, because I can appreciate the effort involved, football, boxing, rugby, but not professional.
Person to talk to online:: Hmmm . . . everyone has their advantages and disadvantages.
Night Time:
Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits :: I sleep 3-6 hours a night, from 11 or 3 until 5, then nap for several hours during the day.
What color are your sheets:: Pink . . . the ladies like ‘em.
What color are your bedroom walls:: Off-white
Do you have posters on your wall:: a calendar and a map of Australia
If so of what:: Pay attention to my answers, damn it!
Do you have a tv in your bedroom:: not anymoreHow many pillows are on your bed:: two
What do you normally sleep in:: boxers, or the nude.
Describe your favorite pair of pajamas:: my birthday suit
What size bed do you have:: I think it’s full . . . of sexy naked people!
Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed:: I useda have a bunk bed
Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom:: Sadly no.
Describe the last nightmare you had:: A strange woman rearranged the books in my study that I spent days organizing and I was powerless to stop her.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals:: Not anymore.
How many people can comfortably sleep comfortably in your bed:: Probably two. Comfortably sleep comfortably? You redundant fiend!
Any unusual sleeping positions:: always on my stomach, legs spread, one arm crooked under my pillow, the one on the side my head is turned, and the other extended up and away.
Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling:: Luckily not anymore
Do you snore:: no, but I scream.
How about drool:: yeah . . . uh . . . I can’t think of anything to say to this . . . WHORE!
Do you have an alarm clock in your room:: Nope! Wait, pieces of one.
What color is the carpet in your room:: polished hardwood carpet
What's under your bed:: skis, boxes o’ crap, nudie magazines, guns, my artwork . . . you know, the usual.
This or that:
Loser/wannabe:: Wannabe.
Doughnuts/bagels:: Depends on whether the tide is up or not, doesn’t it, you prick!?
Day/night:: Night . . . yeah night.
Wicked witch of the east/wicked witch of the west:: Uh . . . if the West one is a Cowgirl and the East one is a Samurai . . . both!
Heaven/hell:: Heaven, maybe, but I don’t think hell is eternal, so maybe I might like it there for a while, if there’s hot female demon whipping me . . .
Make love/have sex:: Depends on who with . . . whom with? Make Love to Caitlin, Have Sex with Tara, Fuck in the Ear, Jess Guenette.
Coffee/tea:: Didn’t you ask this in favorites?
Hamburgers/hotdogs:: By hotdogs, do you mean penises? Burgers, just in case you don’t.
Rap/rock:: Yeah, like 95% rock, if those are the only two in the survey.
Britney/Christina:: Christina? Well, if I had two condoms . . .
Swiss cheese/american cheese:: Swiss, baby! I hate American Cheese. (I think I can be strip searched for saying that under the Patriot Act.)
Real World/Road Rules:: If they were all brought to an alien world in which they had to fight each other to the death, that’d be a good show.
Backstreet Boys/*Nsync:: ‘Nsync. Justin is HOT!
Silver/gold:: Silver, but I look better in gold.
Nike/Adidas:: Converse or Pumas.
McDonalds/Taco Bell:: McDonalds. Stupid pseudo-Mexicans . . .
Sweet/sour:: I’m a lil’ a both, baby.Punk/emo:: I hate them both enough to stab myself in the eye with a leg of lamb.
Hot/cold:: Depends on the level of fairies. I’ll say cold for the nipple erections. Yeah, I like the cold more.
Winter/summer:: Winter
Spring/fall:: Fall
Operas/plays:: Plays
Read/watch tv:: READ!
Cd's/tapes:: I’ll say Cassette tapes, because most of my Garth Brooks and Jimmy Buffett are on them.
Dvd's/vhs:: VHS!
Old/new:: I’ll say old. I’m an antiquarian, damnit!
Shorts/skirts:: I prefer to wear skirt. You heard me!
Pink/red:: Red, the color of fiery passion, burning rage, martyrdom, or violence
Colored pictures/black and white photos:: Colored people . . . I mean pictures.
Meat/vegetables:: Vegetables. I’m considering vegetarianism. (Dodges flying card) C’mon, Tony, I said “considering!”
Mexican food/chinese food:: Did Tony make the joke about egg rolls wrapped in tacos? Both.
Commercials/infomercials:: Unless it’s an infomercial with a lot of scantily clad exercising women, commercials.
Scary movies/comedies:: Comedies. A well done horror film is hard to come by.
Bikinis/one piece bathing suits:: Bikinis!
Sandals/tennis shoes:: Sandals!
Dogs/cats:: Both . . . a hybrid, actually.
Unicorns/fairies:: I love the movie the Last Unicorn, but I’ma hafta go with Faeries. Unless you mean Fairies, in which case my answer is the same. (I’m lookin’ at you, Mike Pytka.)
Water/land:: I think land.
Sugar/spice:: Both? You mean those chicks from Batman Forever, right? I dunno, unless you have everything nice and chemical X, you’re kinda outta luck with just the first two.
Black/white:: White.
ribbons/bows:: ribbons?
Chicken/beef:: I feel better about eating chickens than eating cows. I’ll say chicken. Plus I like the taste better.
Colored/White Christmas lights:: Whichever one Jesus had. No, wait. He probably had colored, with the whole lovin’ everybody regardless of race, creed, or gender. I like the white ones more.
Cars/trucks:: Well, depends on the vehicle in question, don’t it?
Austin Powers/James Bond:: Bond. James Bond.
Popcorn/pretzels:: Popcorn! No contest. I love the one, hate the other. HATE!
Hip/hop:: Uh . . . hip. I like hips.
Passionate kiss/peck:: Passionate kiss.
WWE wrestling/ real wrestling:: Real wrestling, the kind with mud, two sexy women, and John Candy involved. STRIPES!
Back rub/foot massage:: Are you seriously asking me this? Well, I’d rather give the foot one and receive the back one.
Picture frames/photo albums:: Frames for paintings, albums for pisctures.
Pens/pencils:: Pencils.
What Is Your Opinion Of The Following
Eminem:: Unquestionable talent, but not smart, good looking, kind, or responsible, so . . . bust a cap in his ass!
Virgins:: Thanks for nothing!
God:: Beyond our understanding, She loves us more than we can imagine. She is not, however, all-powerful or all-knowing. Sorry, Ma’am, but you’re not.
The Osbournes:: Great show for three episodes. After that, kill ‘em.
Reality TV:: I hate it. It, along with most of pop culture today, is the epitome of all that is wrong with this country.
J.Lo:: BIG ass! Boo yeah! Other than that, bad actress, bad singer, bad person. Kill her!
Religion:: If it was more disorganized it’d be better. Religion would be AWESOME if there were no people to fuck it up.
Emo music:: Emo? I hate the word, as I hate all Montagues, and thee!
Valentine's Day:: Stupid holiday, but cool massacre.
Christina Aguilera's comeback:: She made a come back? Or do you mean has cum on her back? That makes sense.
Homosexuals:: 10% of the population can’t be wrong. It’s a bit like in Underworld. Since I’m bi, I get the best of both worlds, and could so kick Vincent’s ass if my girlfriend didn’t cut his head in half. Seriously, they’re people, and I hate people in general. But not because of sexual orientation. They should have the same rights as we do.
Abortion:: It’s an odious practice, but you CANNOT take away a woman’s right to choose. So FUCK OFF, Pro-Lifers!
Inter-racial relationships:: We need to mix the gene pool up a bit. I’m all for them.
Murder:: I like it. Next to arson, my favorite violent crime. Seriously, it is necessary sometimes.
Death:: The next big adventure!
Obesity:: Problem, but it makes for some cool fictional characters. I love MOJO!
Pre-marital sex:: Nothing wrong with it, but probably best to wait.
Terrorism:: I’m all for it, but c’mon guys, blow up someone who deserves it for a change. I can give you the addresses of some people that really need to be in pieces . . . where does Sr. Connie live again?
Pornography:: It started, believe it or not, as a way to induce a sexual free love revolution. I love it, myself, absolutely could not live without it. Too bad about the whole HIV thing. Back off, you fucking prudes!
Fortune Tellers:: It’d be cool to find a real one. Ms. Cleo was in Vice City . . . .
Prostitution:: Legalize it, it’d help the economy. Vegas has the right idea. I’m also tired of serial killers targeting prostitutes.
Politics:: The concept is good, but corrupt, partisan assholes are ruining this country.
Country music:: I love it!
George W. Bush:: A stupid bastard who deserves to die. At least he’s no longer a coked-up drunk.
Cloning:: Let’s do it! Look at all the great stuff cloning brought us, The Sixth Day, Star Wars: Episode 2, the wars on Krypton . . . uh . . . on second thought . . .
Britney's boobs:: Magnificence!
Gas prices in America:: I wannan electric car! I hate oil companies!
Well, I'll hopefully have the big one later on, but this'll do for now. What? What's that you say? Something about a Joke Corner? Oh my goodness, how could I dis-rememer? Here we are:
Rich's Joke Corner:
How can you tell a blonde has sent you a fax? There's a stamp on it!
Midway through the film, Cindy turned to her friend and said, "The guy next to me is masturbating."
"Well, tell him to stop."
"I can't," Cindy explained, "He's using my hand.
A car hit a ten year old boy and drove off. A man across the street saw this happen, ran to the boy and tried to comfort him. "Would you like me to get a priest?" the man asked.
The boy replied, "How can you think of sex at a time like this?"
(The car eventually sped off a cliff and the driver, sobering up, screamed in panic as he plummetted to his death. Out of blind, senseless fear, he slammed on the brakes while soaring through the air. Those aren't gonna help you much, buddy, why don't you try the emergency brake? Luckily, he survived the fall, but as he was climbing out of the wreckage, he was torn apart by wolves.) (I added this because the original had the driver getting away as far as the story went, and I hate hit and run and or drunk drivers. Also, it has a reference to Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey.)
Well, that be all for now. I'm off to study Bio.
2 Comments:
In responce to the favorite comics, I did put you down as my favorite comic: "Richard Joseph Sugrue," Sarah can back me up on that. Also, she put you down too despite the fact that she hasn't seen your standup (she just believes all the wonderful reviews I give it).
So yes, your standup is loved by all... well, two. But all two of us.
By
Dan-o, at 6:12 PM
I love your stand-up, Rich.
I, myself, am pro-life. I dislike the stigma attached with the names however. I'm for women's choice and all, I just don't like the practice of killing babies. Why much I commit to one extreme? So I'm starting a new side to the conflict: Pro-Tao. Yeah, that's right. Get frustrated. I'm commited to non-commitance.
Seriously, it's a complicated issue. The scale in which abortion occurs is sickening, although it is a personal choice. My moral dilemna comes in the fact that I do believe it is murder. Justifiable? Yes, in some cases. I believe that war and murder alike can be justified, but are always evil in essence. I am for it? Against it? I just think it's a tragedy, that's all. And as far was choice goes, I can make the choice to murder anyone at anytime. However, there are consequences. There are no legal consequenced to abortion at this time, but there are severe physical and psychological consequences that more people need to be educated about. My main beef is that abortion clinics are, in essence, businesses. They'll do all they can to convince a woman that she should take the road most traveled, because it makes things more lucrative.
So, two misnomers: "Pro-life" implies that the "pro-choice" people support abortion and death, when in fact they're most often supporting a woman's right to make her poor decision (again, justifiable sometimes). "Pro-Choice" is slightly hypocritical, as is the argument "It's a woman's body." What about the body inside the woman? What choice does it have? What rights?
Both sides are blind. People need to open up to the whole of the problem. It's very complicated, and the multi-faceted issues extend further, into the realm of living conditions for the non-aborted. Child abuse should be a much bigger concern than it is.
To conclude this terribly off-topic, out of context banter, I would like to state the true nature of the pro-tao party:
Pro-"Stop-getting-knocked-up-you-stupid-bitch" party.
I think that says it all.
Anyway, my apologies for that. I like to sneak in my random opinions where it isn't needed. Very rude of me, and I apologize. Excellent post, interesting survey, very imformative.
Let's work on "Undying Love" next week. Savy?
By
Zoopers, at 8:04 PM
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