Hey, Kids, It's me!

I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorage in my head!

Oww.
Fuck.
Oww.
Fuck.
You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to type when you’re missing three layers of skin on your fingertips. Because I work without gloves to toughen my hands up, I have scraped my poor fingertips till they’re shiny and raw. According to CSI, the human fingertip has more nerve endings per square millimeter than any other part of the body. Thus, this hurts. But, nonetheless, I will persevere. I will continue boldly onwards . . . with the help of morphine.

How about a nice tasty update? Huh? Wouldya like that? Okay! But first you have to shum mum shush hush shummer my shimmah shusha shum witha whip cream whisper whisper riding crop. Oww! You didn’t need to go slappin’ me in the face. Damn, girl, don’t be a playah hatah. It’s not my fault I likes it freaky. Oh well. Have your update anyway. Spoilsport.

Monday I was sick from work with my goddamned allergies. Fortunately, my allergies did not keep me from attending Steph Lepine’s party. I had a decent time. I should have had a great time, but that’s no fault of Steph’s. She put together a great shindig. I just had a lot on my mind that night. I was a little troubled. On top of that, I’m very self conscious about my body and that kept me from going swimming. It subsequently kept me out of the hot tub. That I regret most, as Steph seemed to be touching everything in site with her feet while in it. Damn. But, it was one of the coolest parties I’ve been to in a while, like it was right out of a teen-oriented film. And Steph’s mom was really ingratiating. Hah! I was gonna type “nice,” but I decided to be a more eloquent jerk.

Tuesday I went to see a great movie with AL and EJ. The Terminal. It was perfect in a lot of ways. Tom Hanks was hilarious and heartwarming (a real switch for him), Stanley Tucci was in fine form, and the idea of the head of Airport/Homeland Security being a . . . what’s that word Steve uses so well? Douche bag! was most welcome. I hate airport security. It’s a good thing I have the power of flight (That’s telekinesis, Kyle!) or I’d never get anywhere. I was up freakishly late, and barely made it home as I was running on E, and my engine was contemplating over heating. But my trustworthy Pontiac 6000 got me to my destination safe and sound. She’s quite a vehicle. I gave EJ a ride home. Fool! Now I know where he lives! And I got to meet his super hot sister and see his criminal lair. He let me borrow The DaVinci Code, which I will hopefully start after I finish Murder In Retrospect and Beyond Freedom and Dignity, by Agatha Christie and B.F. Skinner, respectively.

I’ve been working in Hatfield. It’s an absolutely bee-ay-yutiful ride up there and there are so many picturesque views in the town itself. I strongly suggest you motor up there, Pawel, and work some Photo-magic. The pictures are practically beggin’ to be taken. (Like Tara after a few Jello shooters.) (Zing!)

Today I worked until 4:30, but my crew of three finished roofing an entire house. In one day! Day-yam! That’s mostly because I don’t stop working as long as it’s physically demanding. I have the mind set of a freakin’ bull. And due also to the fact that my boss, Steve, shingles faster than any mortal I have ever seen! Thor shingles faster, but he’s a Asgard god. I swear, I think Steve missed his calling. He should’ve been a gunfighter in the old West the way he handles that nail gun. But, to sum up, work has been good lately.

I want to have a party for Evelyn on Friday. A send off before she heads to Honduras to help all those poor illiterate starving orphans. Contact me with any thoughts you have on the matter. I’d be best to have it at Brendan’s house, I believe. (If you read this, B, gimme a call. I’ll contact you as well.)

While there I’d like to discuss two things. 1) Undying Love. We gotta pick a film date soon. And 2) Evelyn and Caitlin have come up with the idea of a fund raiser for Brett and Tom. Another talent show. I’ll do stand-up and would be happy to emcee, The Quick Fix could play, Steve could play, Andrew could play. Mr. LeTellier could play. The HCHSFTCT can do Python. It’ll be great. Hopefully Adam Goddu and my lil’ bro will do a duet. Anyone interested gimme a comment or a call.

Hey, is it me or should Mike Pytka stop copying Jack from Will & Grace? There are other ways to be gay, you know.

Okay. Let’s try this out. I call it Casting Call. I wanna pick actors to play my friends and enemies and me if a movie is ever made of our lives. Aside from Johnny Depp as me, I’m stumped. Comment with ideas.

Alright. Deep breath. I will now talk about one of the troubling things that happened a few weeks ago. It involved myself, Evelyn, Andrew, eventually Brendan, and indirectly Caitlin. Charter Days. That’s where it really began. I went with the intention of letting Evelyn know my feelings for her. The ideal time for this would have been the fireworks display. However, as I had to go back to my car to get blankets, and Evelyn was in the process of setting hers up, I returned to see her sitting next to Andrew. Now, halfway through the ‘works, Andy got up and offered his seat to me. A very noble thing to do. But it would’ve been awkward, and so I remained where I was. Later, I planned to sit next to Evelyn on THE ORBITER, the coolest ride this side of the Connecticut. Doing so involved buying tickets for the entire group. It would have been worth it. However, while I was standing in line plucking up the courage to ask Evelyn to sit next to me, Andrew asked her first. Now, this came as quite a shock. I grew angry. I called him a quote, “lanky bastard,” and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing. His response, though interesting, is unimportant and damaging. So I rode the orbiter alone again. The next day Andy apologized. An incredibly touching and mature thing to do. The day after that, Brendan called me and let me know that Andy was out seeing a movie with Evelyn. Just those two. I got pretty angry after that. I met Brendan at The Thirsty Mind and we talked over the situation. I recalled our trip to the beach during which everyone (Dan, EJ, Cait, Evelyn, Andy, and myself) broke into a jog on the beach. Caitlin stopped, and AL, hopefully not noticing, continued down the beach with Ev while I walked with Caitlin. EJ joined us. That scenario seemed fishy to me in retrospect. Well, after some angry banter back and forth, Brendan and I got the courage up to do something reckless. (Thank God we’re not racist, or there’d be some lynchin’s, let me tell y’all!) We had convinced ourselves that Andrew was trying to court Evelyn. What was worse was that it seemed he was exploiting my plans for his own selfish desires, or as Brendan put it, I “was doing all the leg work.” What’s worse was that he was Caitlin’s boyfriend. What’s worse was that he was being deceitful and Evelyn might fall for it. Or so it seemed. So, we resolved ourselves to go and find them. We went to Andy’s, then to Ev’s, then, as we were heading home from Ev’s, Brendan did a screeching 180 turn and sped back towards it. I asked him what he was doing and he said, “We set out to kick ass and chew bubble gum,” he paused to light his cigar and cock his gun, "and we’re all out of bubble gum!” Then we sped into the night. (I’m just kidding, B doesn’t smoke.)
So we parked outside Ev’s and waited for them for like 20 minutes, but gave up. It’s a good thing cops on stake outs don’t have curfews . . . . So then Brendan talked to Evelyn and told her all our horrible ASSUMPTIONS about AL. She got sad and confused, repeated them to Brendan, yelling all the way, and then came lookin’ for me. It was a bad situation. I won’t go into anything more personal, nor tell you what I think the real deal was. Alls I’ll say is these 4 things: 1) Almost all of what we thought about AL wasn’t true. 2) Brendan, thanks for everything you tried to do, and I’m sorry it got you in trouble. I love you, man. 3) I think we’ve all grown in our relationships, and hopefully strengthened them.
4) Andrew, I’m sorry. I will honestly say that I think some of what we thought (which is no where near all in here) is true. But what we did was wrong, and I ask your forgiveness. I love you, man.

Whew. That feels good to get off my chest. I mean both the above story and the leather corset I was wearing; those things are tight!

Speaking of good feelings, let’s talk about ‘em. Here are some of my favorite feelings:
Knowing you have fun things to get done and plenty of free time to do it in.
Learning school is canceled.
Finishing a good blog.
Coming up with a great idea.
The feeling you get just before a movie starts in the theater.
The feeling you get after a physically demanding task is done.
Being physically close with someone you care about ( I mean romantic love) and the subsequent erection.
But here’s the best one: The feeling I get after I do stand up. I’ve obviously only gotten it twice, but damn it feels good. To hear the crowd’s laughter melt into applause as you walk off stage. Awesome. The best ever was at Parent’s Night. After I was done, Brendan walked back on stage and gave a handshake/hug and said, with a grin on his face and laughter still on his lips, “You’re the king.” I don’t know how sincere he was in his praise, I like to thin pretty true, but it made me feel so . . . great. I can’t decide if that or the laughter at the last Python skit, when we all four were up there, standing together in front of everyone, is better.

The drives home from Hatfield have been amazing. It’s such a beautiful ride, and what’s better, I’ve liked every song on the radio. I change the station now and then, but I find good music all the time.

Speaking of music, here are my four favorite slightly werewolf related songs:

Bad Moon Rising, by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Hungry Like the Wolf, by Duran Duran
The Monster Mash, by that guy
and lastly, this one I heard on 102.1 yesterday and I really liked it. I have no clue who sings it, though.
I think it’s called Werewolves of London. It’s cool and funny and a little scary and has a good beat.

I think that’s it for tonight. Next Time: Hinduism, Joke Corner, Casting Call, and a Tribute to one of my heroes. (That’s right, I’m finally starting the Friends thing.)

Current Mood: Awwooooooowerewolves of London! Awoooooooo! Pretty good, now that I’ve updated, although for some reason I’ve been feeling really attracted to Jess lately. I don’t know what gives. I’ll go into that next time.
Current Music: Ben Arthur’s S&M song.