The Interim Adventure (Or, Episode IV.V) Part Three

In honor of National Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day I offer you the following:

(I'll fix it up tomorrow. It's bit rough now.)
(And no, Tony, I haven't forgotten about you. I'll have your write-up finished soon.)

A lone despairing howl echoed across the snowy wastes. The tragic cry seemed to reverberate off the moon itself, which hung austere, a shiny, silver gong in the velvety black sky.
A forest of mighty pines stood impassive, humbled under pounds of snow and ice.

The baleful howl rang out again from deep within the bowels of an ancient stone structure.
The mass of buildings, all of the same cold, grey stone, formed a rough octagon in a secluded clearing within the forest. The octagon itself was massive, each of the eight sides being 100 yards in length.
In the center of this geometric courtyard stood an impossibly large tower. This tower was an architectural anomaly. Its base, and half it’s height, were of the solid grey stone. Ancient, lichen covered, and worn smooth from exposure to the elements.
The top half of the tower, however, was ultramodern; stunning black glass. It shone in the night like polished obsidian.
From within the depths of this compound, secluded in the center of a dense forest, in the center of a lonely island, surrounded by raging, grey, north seas, from here, the cry sounded again. Hurt and hopeless and choked with despair.

Richard sat on his haunches in a transparent enclosure, crying to a moon he could not see.
Sung Li covered her ears, her beautiful face contorted with rage.
"Shut up, you stupid mutt! I can’t stand any more of this melodramatic whining!"
Richard stopped and turned his round, shining eyes to her. He resembled a nightmarish puppy dog.
Then his terrifying mouth split into an enormous, lupine grin and he howled even more loudly, right at her.
Sung Li jumped with fright, scattering papers and lab instruments across the polished linoleum floor.
She had just begun to shriek with rage when the doors slid open and Dr. Thaddeus Trans and Mr Hazard walked into the room.
Hazard quickly brought a glowing handkerchief up to his face to dampen the offensive odor of the laboratory.
"It smells like a kennel in here," he groaned.
Trans’ face was as placid as always. He looked to the flustered Sung Li.
"You seem to be meeting with difficulty, my dear." His voiced oozed like honey from his thin, white lips.
Sung Li gulped.
"Perhaps you should take some time off. There’s still a spot open for you at the Company Wellness Center."
"No, no doctor," she managed to say. "I can handle this. It has proven a unique challenge."
"It has indeed. But perhaps I may be able to offer a potential solution."
He opened his mouth to speak, then noticed Richard watching intently from his enclosure, ears perked.
Trans strode smoothly over to Richard, separated from him by two inches of plexi-carbon.
He waved a skeletally thin hand in front of Richard’s confused face.
"Sleep," he whispered.
Richard promptly toppled over unconscious.
"Now then," said Trans, turning back to a petrified Sung Li, "my plan. You see, lycanthropic transformation, when accomplished without lunar rays, almost always necessitates strong emotion, usually anger. Only skilled, venerable werewolves can change without mood swings.
"Richard uses his substantial anger to change, but it seems as though it almost works without his willing it to. When his temper rises enough he transforms, sometimes not expressly wishing to do so. I believe that if we were to make him angry enough for long enough, we could force him to maintain his werewolf form. This would give us opportunity to condition him to remain as a beast for great stretches of time. All we need to do is control his anger and we control him."
Sung Li, Hazard, and Trans turned their gazes to the snoring golden monster before them and smiled wickedly.

The offices of Ninja Pirate Inc were located in the far north-western corner of Massachusetts, near the New York border. The sprawling complex encompassed about 200 acres of land, much of it pine forest. A thin, black stip of road cut through the wilds toward the center of the property, where there was a substantially large open field, and a good sized lake. A perimeter fence 20 feet high, with electrocuted barbed wire encircled a smaller portion of the field, with a primary gate and central guard station located at main road. In the center of this smaller piece of field stands the building itself.
The main Ninja Pirate Inc building is a simple, even bland-looking structure of cement and glass. It stands 30 stories, with several radio antenna extending even farther beyond this height. The earthy, sand-colored walls are neatly covered in large, dark windows. There are three wings, east, north, and west, which are annexed to the main building and stand a little over half as high. The main road extends through the gates, themselves lying at the east side of the property, curving sharply up to the lake. A squat, sturdy bridge spans the narrowest part of the lake, which lies directly in front of the tall front doors of the main building, forming a sort of one-sided moat.
Though it was well into December, the skies had denied the earth the comforting blanket of snow it so desired. The land was dry and frozen and desolate.

Tony’s office was at the corner of the east and south sides of the main building, and came with an expansive balcony. It was from there that he first saw the zombie horde, massed at the main gates to the east.
Immediately after being made aware of the terrible menace, he rushed over to his desk and rapidly entered a series of instructions into his computer. A vast holographic image of the grounds flickered into view.
Tony sat down and flipped over twin panels on his desk top. Blinking lights and assorted buttons dotted the reversed panels. On each was a solid joystick.
"Arm primary defenses," Tony said aloud to the room. Outside, just inside the gates, two massive, twin-barreled laser cannons rose from the earth. The tops of the guns were covered in frozen sod. They hummed to life and spun to meet the zombie horde. As this happened, dazzling spotlights snapped to life, illuminating the inner grounds as if it were daylight. Along the fence, more cannons engaged. Small guns protruded from the ground at intervals the length of the main drive.

At the head of the fearsome army, Agent Gits clicked his tongue reprovingly.
"Oh no, this won’t do."
He flickered for a moment, and then wasn’t there.

Below the NP Inc building, in the dank sub-basements, Gits reappeared. He had made his way, impossibly fast, to the power source of the building by way of a series of tunnels. He now strode confidently over to a vast control panel, bedecked with switches, levers, and lights, which stood against a far wall. He tapped his chin thoughtfully for a moment, then pulled a pipe out of his dark jacket. He pushed a button on the device’s smooth black surface, and it telescoped out into a pole two yards long. The pole’s tip emitted blue sparks.
Gits smiled as he went to work on the control panel, smashing the machinery to sizzling fragments. Then he dropped his weapon, shot his cuffs, and disappered.

In Tony's office, and throughout the entire complex, all the lights went out. They were slowly replaced with the dim, red illumination of the emergency back-up lighting.

Back outside the gates Gits appeared again.
He turned to the monstrous zombie to his right, Trans’ pet project with the rocket-launcher.
"Take care of those gates for us, will you?" he asked politely.
The beast grunted and aimed its mammoth weapon. A giant missile streaked through the air and struck the gates, decimating them and the perimeter fence for several yards on either side.
Gits nodded approvingly, and began to lead the horde through the twisted wreckage.

Inside Ninja Pirate Incorporated, Tony was getting angry.
Gits had cut the power to the entire complex, and the building’s defenses were neutralized. In one move Gits had left them vulnerable to attack.
"Goddamnit!" yelled Jake. "How’d he know where to find the power supply, anyway?"
"This company used to be owned by Umbrella. He probably knows the building better than we do."
"Well this is perfect! What now, fearless leader?"
Tony closed his eyes and massaged his temples gently. Without looking up, he answered.
"We fight."
"Come again?"
"Suit up. Help me rally the staff. Everyone. Get them armor and blasters. Meet me outside the main doors in twenty minutes."
Jake smiled. "You really think we can take ‘em?"
Tony smiled back. "No. That’s what makes it fun."

Sam, in the NP Inc computer room, was doing his best to drown out the alarms sounding throughout the building. Ninja Pirate Inc possessed some of the largest and most detailed data archives on the planet. He had been running cross-references, historical, geographical, and current news, in a frantic attempt to locate where Umbrella had taken his brother.
He was also instructing computer technicians on other possible avenues for the search. Namely, hacking into the company’s encrypted Umbrella Corp files.

Amy and Steve sat sipping rum and cokes on Amy’s bed, their Ani DiFranco music and the sound dampened walls of Amy’s room leaving them blissfully unaware of the disaster outside.

Dr. Sprockets was running a systems check on the Captain Huzuki-bot 3500, who was currently powered down.

Tony and Jake stood side by side at the vanguard of an army of Ninja Pirate Agents.
They had changed into their customized battle gear, representative of their departments. Tony was clad in a dark ninja suit which clung to his wiry frame. His nose and mouth were hidden by a mask, leaving only his intense, dark eyes and wild hair uncovered. His katana was snug at his side, hanging in a black sash about his waist. On Tony’s left forearm, extending over his wrist and hand, was a specially-made laser gauntlet, a blaster cannon reminiscent of Megaman’s weapon of choice.
Jake was dressed more garishly, in full pirate regalia. He wore baggy blue pants, buckled boots, and a frilly white shirt. Over it all hung a magnificent red captain’s coat, complete with glittering epaulets. His nano-bot infused left hand was now a long, dangerous-looking hook. He wore an eyepatch over his glasses. A black admiral’s hat, sporting the Jolly Roger, perched on his head at a jaunty angle. He carried a cutlass in his thick belt and a bazooka strapped to his back.
Tony squinted, focusing his sight on the massed force near the gates.
Jake raised his telescope to his uncovered eye and looked in the same direction as his friend.

Far across the sloping grounds, behind the solid main gates, the zombie army waited, gaunt and staring hungrily. Their yawning mouths filled with jagged, razor-sharp teeth. They were halted, for the moment, but seemed to be straining forward, eager to feed.
At the head of the undead horde stood a pale man in a neat, black suit. His hair was also black, as was his tie. It was dark that night; the moon and the countless diamond stars hiding behind smoky, purple-grey clouds, and yet the mysterious stranger wore dark sunglasses.
To this man’s left stood the largest zombie Jake and Tony had ever seen. It was a sculpted mountain of decaying flesh which towered several feet above the rest of the horde. The beast was huge, larger, even, than the Cap’n Huzuki-bot 3500. Strapped to his back was a bazooka nearly as tall as he was and as wide around and a good-sized tree.
At a nod from the pale stranger to his left, the creature unstrapped the weapon, loaded into it a shell the size of a healthy beagle, and aimed its tremendous barrel at the NP Inc building.
Tony and Jake saw to their horror the well-dressed villain mouth the word "fire." Then the still night was rent in two as the missile streaked toward them.
Jake focused on his hook hand and it quickly formed into a bullhorn. He pressed his lips to it and shouted.
"Incoming!" screamed Jake to the clustered ranks of Ninja Pirate agents.
They scattered in a panic just as the gigantic missile collided with the east corner of NP Inc headquarters. Chunks of cement, flaming shrapnel, and shimmering broken glass burst outward in a ball of fire, showering the heroes with wreckage.
While the NP agents rushed to regroup amidst the chaos, the hideous zombie army charged forward.
Tony, silent and still, gazed at the undead horde, frowning. Jake was still trying to rally the NP troops, many of whom were now running in terror from the approaching zombies.
With wildly grasping claws and gleaming red eyes the zombies thundered over the grounds toward the building.

Standing, arms folded, back at the gates, Gits smiled. The mammoth ghoul next to him shuffled restlessly. Gits turned and looked up at it, then quickly turned his attention back to the battle.
"You’ll get your share," he said, temporarily appeasing the monster.
Back on the front-lines, Tony took a deep breath, then he drew his sword and raised it aloft. It gleamed in the firelight from the burning wreckage.
"Agents of Ninja Pirate Incorporated!" he bellowed in his theatrical British voice. "Rally to me!"
The panicking army halted.
"We are the first, last, and only line of defense for the town, the state, and most likely the country if Umbrella succeeds! Their zombie horde will decimate all in its path. Only we can stop the destruction and stem the loss of life! Rally to me! This is what we volunteered for; what we trained for; what we live for! And now some of us will die for it! But I swear to you, we will die with honor, and with purpose. And I swear that I will not stop swinging my sword ‘til the last ounce of strength leaves my hand, the last breath leaves my lungs, and my heart beats its last!"
The army gazed at Tony in awe and admiration.
"Now on to glory! Let’s show these undead bastards who they’re really dealing with! To battle!"
A mighty cheer burst from the assembled troops. They shook their weapons at the cloudy dome of sky above.
Jake produced his bull-horn hand again.
"Right flank, with me! Left flank, with Tony!"
Tony looked to the gates and, through the mass of cadaverous fiends charging forward, locked eyes with the pale stranger.
He shouted to Jake:
"Cap’n, do you think you can handle the big fella with the rocket launcher?"
"Tony, I’m all over him like Marlon Brando at an all you can eat taco bar."
Tony smiled.
"Good. I’ll deal with the pale creep with the shades."
And with that the two halves of the army moved forward, weapons ready, faces grim.
Halfway down the slope Jake and Tony called their commands to a halt. The front row of each flank held up plexi-glass riot shields, each as tall and wide as a man. The back rows readied their weapons. Loaded their rifles, and took aim.
Jake readied his bullhorn hand whilst precariously steadying a rocket launcher with the other. Tony leveled his energy blaster at the oncoming foe.
"On my mark!" yelled Jake.
The zombies rushed closer, their eerie moaning had reached a maddeningly level.
"Wait!" called Jake.
Their fetid stench hung heavy in the air.
"Wait!"
Tony could see the black pinpricks of their glazed pupils.
"Fire!" yelled Jake.
At once a wall of laser streaks flew forth from the ranks of NP agents into the cadaverous horde.
The entire front line of ghouls was torn in half. Torsos, with still-flailing limbs, knocked the second and third lines sprawling. The zombies refused to stop. They carried on, trampling their fellows into the mud.
"Fire!"
The new front ranks were ripped to shreds by the concentrated laser blasts.
But the zombies seemed without number. They covered the grounds of Ninja Pirate Inc like autumn leaves after a gale.
The first two volleys were merely to slow the zombies down. Now the trained agents were called upon to terminate the undead monsters.
"Head shots, now," Jake boomed. "Make ‘em count! Open fire!"
Sporadic flashes of neon light tore through the darkness. Zombies fell by the score, rotting skulls blown apart.
Jake countered Tony’s careful surgeon-like blasts with wild shots from his rocket launcher.

At the opposite side of the field, the mammoth zombie aimed his bazooka again. It grunted happily and fired a shot straight into the heart of the heroic troops.
Earth flew to the heavens and fire mixed with smoke.
The beast fired again. And again.
Pandemonium broke out. The agents of Ninja Pirate Inc were decimated.
Content with the weapon, the monster shouldered it again and trotted off to the battle.

Ninja Pirate agents were dashing back and forth amidst explosions on the battlefield. Gust of searing flame shot into the air while chunks of earth and flesh rained down and smoke obscured all vision. The unstoppable zombie horde was tramping steadily, clawed hands outstretched, mouths agape, toward the complex.
Cries of rage, screams of anguish, and frantic orders assaulted his ears from all sides, but Tony was deaf to them. He stood alone, in the center of the field, staring straight ahead. An explosion rocked the earth to his immediate right and clumps of sod fell heavily around him, but still he did not move. His dark eyes were locked on the fathomless lenses of his opponent.

Agent Gits had started to make his way through the chaos toward Tony, never breaking their mutual glare. Tony felt his stomach turn to ice as he watched Gits come ever closer.
The dark villain appeared to move as if in a strobe light. He was two hundred feet from Tony, then suddenly he was one hundred and seventy-five feet from him. Tony hadn’t blinked. He hadn’t stopped watching Gits. The fiend moved faster than Tony, even with his vampire eyes, could see.
One hundred and fifty feet.
A NP agent stepped in front of Gits, not even seeing him. Gits shot out an arm, blindingly fast, and tore the man’s heart from his chest.
One hundred twenty five feet.
Gits grabbed a passing agent and snapped his neck. He dropped the limp body to the ground without ever tearing his gaze from Tony.
One hundred feet.
Gits smiled, revealing two rows of small, very white teeth.
Seventy five feet.
Tony blinked.
Twenty five feet.
Gits moved twice as fast if you weren’t looking at him.
And like that, Gits was now standing less than three feet from Tony.
The battle raged around them, but the two enemies held their gaze.
"Hello, vampire," Gits spoke in his chillingly calm voice.
"Good evening," Tony replied.
"I have come to collect what you’ve stolen from us."
"My friends."
"The werewolf and the lady vampire, yes."
"They’re staying here," Tony said with grim finality.
"I am sorry to see you’re being uncooperative." Gits’ smile widened, betraying his true feelings on Tony’s resistance.
"I have also come to collect you."
Now Tony, his unnerved, but brave, forced himself to smile back.
"I hope you weren’t planning on taking any of us alive."
Gits raised and amused eye-brow, but said nothing.
Suddenly, Jake fought his way to his friend’s side.
Not a trace of emotion showed on Gits’ face.
Tony and Jake leveled their weapons at the eerie stranger.
"Game over, you zombie-breeding freak," Tony said, cocking his blaster.
Jake aimed his bazooka. "It’s the end of the road."
Gits did not stir.
Without a word, Tony and Jake fired in unison.
Gits flickered for a moment. The laser beam and missile passed through him, devastating the zombie ranks approaching from behind.
Tony and Jake blinked, their weapons slipping from their nerveless grips.
Gits smiled. "You seem to have missed, gentlemen."
Then, faster than either boy could follow, the agent of Umbrella flicked his wrist and a length of electric blue wire, less than a nanometer in diameter, shot out from his sleeve.
Only Tony, with his vampire vision, would see it.
"An invisible wire?" he had time to murmur before Gits sent the wire speeding forward, to wrap around Tony’s hand laser. He pulled the cord taught and Tony’s alloy gauntlet was crushed like a tin can, shattering his wrist beneath. Gits began to pull on the wire. He didn’t seem to be exerting himself, but Tony felt as though his arm was being wrenched out of its socket. His mangled meta-carpals ground together. Tony’s vision went white with pain.
He realized that he would have to devote his full attention to the frightening menace.
"Jake," he spat out through gritted teeth, "Do you think you can handle the zombies yourself?"
Jake wanted desperately to stay and help his friend, but he knew that the battle demanded his presence. Dropping his now-empty rocket launcher and drawing his cutlass with a flourish, Jake bellowed his battle cry and charged into the fray.
"Yaaarrrr!"
Gits eyed his opponent contemptuously.
"I never understood Ninja Pirate Incorporated. What a waste of Umbrella’s investments. A Ninja and a Pirate working together? How illogical."
"The common enemy of the of the . . . undead . . . is one . . . reason ninjas and pirates decided to put away their differences and form NP Inc in the first place. We will . . . defeat your unholy armies." Tony was at the point of passing out from the pain.
He willed himself to exist beyond the physical. A red aura slowly took shape around him. Lightning fast he drew his katana and slashed through the wire, freeing his hand. He took a breath and ripped the gauntlet from his arm, grunting in pain as his bones healed.
He leaped forward, thrusting his blade at Gits’ throat.
Again, Gits was too fast for him. Out of the other sleeve shot a perilously sharp dagger. Gits dodged to the side and ensnared Tony with his wire, forming a complicated razor-sharp net around him. The hero’s aura was broken. Gits once again drew the wire tight. Tony blocked it with the flat of his blade, which was forced against his dripping forehead. He could feel the razor-sharp wire closing in, threatening to dice him into bits.
His muscles tired, his eyelids drooped. For a second he considered letting Gits finish him; considered ending this seemingly pointless struggle. Then he thought of his friends, Amy and Steve, whom he had sworn to protect. He thought of young Sam and the captive Richard. He thought of his town, at the waiting grasp of an undead horde.
Tony’s eyes snapped open. They burned fiercely in the firelight.
He cried out in his fury and slowly began to force the wire net off of him.
Gits frowned and leaped high, bringing his dagger down at Tony.
Tony sliced through the wire and, surprising Gits with his speed, caught the dagger between his thumb and forefinger. He wrenched it free from Gits’ grip and without hesitation drove it though the fiend’s throat.
Tony’s face was splattered with blood. He shuddered; Gits’ blood was ice cold. Gits sank to his knees.
Then Tony shuddered from fear. He had thought Gits was finished. A wound like that would have killed any other man. But Gits was not a man. He was . . . something else.
Gits began to laugh. A sickening chortle choked by blood. He stood. He gripped Tony’s shoulder with impossible strength, splintering his collar bone. Tony winced and tried to free himself. Gits’ other hand was closing over Tony’s throat. Tony planted his foot on Gits’ chest and pushed with all his might. The agent’s hold was broken. Both combatants were thrown backwards. Tony flipped through the air and landed unsteadily on his feet. Gits landed on his back. He had just begun to stand and advance when Tony rushed forward and brought the blade of his katana whistling down at his enemy. For a moment, there was a terrifying stillness. Then Gits began to advance again.
Suddenly he stopped. A thin, red line diagonally traced its way down his face. The line started to bleed. Gits’ face went slack and hung lopsided. He toppled to the ground.
Tony had sliced his head in half. Tony staggered back, struggling to remain standing as his collar bone repaired itself. He breathed a sigh of relief.


Elsewhere, Jake was courageously battling the zombie horde. The agents of Ninja Pirate Inc were engaged in close-quarter combat with the ghouls, and chaos reigned in the night time fields.
Jake was in amongst the undead fiends, wielding sword and hook with unerring, deadly, precision. Deaf to the screams, moans, and sounds of unspeakable violence, he spun and leapt, ducked and wove. Now he was truly in his element. Each maneuver executed with startling speed.
He stabbed an approaching zombie through its rotted brain. He decapitated three others with one swipe of his cutlass. Hacking, slashing, he cleaved his way through the enemy armies in a blur.
Jake hopped onto a large rock, dropped to a crouch, and, extending his sword, spun. He destroyed a circle of undead monsters, their severed heads rolling about the field.
Jake made good use of his malleable hooked hand. First it was a sledgehammer, then a pick-axe. Next he swung it as a flail. It changed depending on his need.
He was slowly shifting the tide in favor of the heroes when he saw it. The monster zombie, battling across the field. The beast was swinging its bazooka as a club, scattering NP agents like tenpins. It roared a thunderous challenge across the battle and grinned, showing its horrible teeth, like iron spikes, sprouting from its steam shovel of a jaw.
Jake was overcome with hatred for the monstrous invader. He screamed his pirate battle cry and continued his slaughter.
He diced the ghouls to tattered ribbons of rotting flesh.
Suddenly, a zombie sprang at him from behind a mass of corpses. Jake pinned it in place with his hook hand, now a spear tip, then wrenched the blade loose and cut the monster straight down the center with his flashing cutlass. The halves fell to either side.
A rotting hand clawed at his shoulder, tearing his golden epaulets. He spun and cut it off, removing its owner’s head in the next swing.
Jake’s eyes rolled over, his jaw tightened, his muscles flexed. The fury of battle was upon him. With on last cry, he took off, tearing through the zombies, an unstoppable Juggernaut in pirate costume.
He had completely lost control over his nano-hand, which was changing spontanteously into a myriad of instruments. An whisk, a roll of Scotch tape, a bucket, a spatula. He spun and sliced and stabbed, hacking until his arms refused to move and his sword fell from his nerveless grasp. Drenched in sweat, his face flushed, his body aching, Jake looked around him.
The field within a twelve yard radius was littered with rotting body parts and slippery with congealed blood. He stood, breathing heavily and looking at the glorious slaughter. His nano-hand now a coat-hanger. Then, to his right, he noticed two of the day school children, Jamal and Susan, had made their way out from the wreckage to witness the fight. Both were speechless after the display of savagery they had seen. Jake quickly formed his nano-hand into a teddy bear, to comfort the children, both seemingly on the verge of tears. He hugged them briefly.
"You two, get to that perimeter tower and wait for me there. This is no place for kids."
He watched them go, a twinkle in his uncovered eye, and then stooped to retrieve his cutlass.
Suddenly, from behind him, he heard a low, terrible sound. A growl of hate which sounded as if it issued from the bowels of Hell itself.
Jake spun round to see the giant zombie. It leered at him, it’s jagged mouth fixed in a horror of a grin. It’s one jet-black eye squinted dangerously. The beast was even bigger than Jake had imagined. It towered over him, a mountain of rotted muscle and leather armor. It readied its now dented bazooka for the attack.
Jake was speechless with terror. Well, almost.
"Well . . . shit," he said.


Meanwhile, across the battlefield, Tony was squatting on his haunches, peering into Gits’ fathomless black lenses. The villain’s face was still severed diagonally down the middle. Slowly, so slowly that Tony didn’t realize it at first, Gits’ cut began to shrink. Muscle repaired itself and skin closed back over. In a matter of seconds, Gits’ gash was gone. Gits’ blood smeared face broke out in a hellish smile. He stood, straightened his tie, and adjusted his glasses.
Tony was numb with disbelief. There was no creature, living or otherwise, that could survive such a wound.
"As you can see," spoke Gits’ calm as ever, "it will take a good deal more than that to defeat me."
Tony’s nerves had been worn raw that night. He finally snapped. His voice cracked in a nervous cackle.
"Fine! I’m glad to see Umbrella’s agents are as durable as their zombies! Make your next move!"
Gits’ smile broadened. He reached into his ensanguined suit and drew twin pronged electrode daggers. Slowly, he advanced.


The gargantuan ghoul charged, well before Jake, still worn out from the battle, was ready. He quickly brought his sword up to deflect the blow from the creature’s bazooka, but underestimated the monster’s strength, and was sent flying across the field. He staggered up just in time to dodge another attack. He ducked and wove in amongst the swings of the beast’s club, barely staying one step ahead. Eventually, he slipped up. The monster caught him in its free hand, crushing the breath from his body, and slammed him into the ground. He rolled out of the way of the club just in time, seeing it embed itself in the earth where his head had been a second before. Jake managed to get close to the monster, and got in several swift attacks, slicing and stabbing expertly. But the creature’s hide was too thick. Jake tipped back into the range of its swinging fists and was struck in the chest by a wrecking ball of a punch. He heard ribs snap as he was shot backwards yet again.
Jake was beginning to feel fear. He didn’t think he could win this fight.
Still, Jake thought, if he was going to die, he was going to die fighting.
This time he charged, and caught the slow-witted monster off guard. Bringing his cutlass whistling through the air, he severed the beast’s free hand. The fist, the size of a basketball, hit the ground with a wet thud.
The monster roared in anger and struck Jake in the jaw with its stump. He fell again, and doggedly rose. Jake hacked away at the beast bravely, but might as well have been trying to down the largest tree in the forest with a herring. The bazooka caught him on the right shoulder and brought him down to his knees with a grunt of pain, his eyepatch slipping off. The monster dropped its weapon and scooped Jake up with its remaining claw. Its clammy fingers closed around his chest. Jake fought to hold onto his consciousness as the beast brought him slowly, inexorably, towards its gaping, slimy jaws. Teeth as big as steak knives awaited him. A tongue like a dead python slithered horribly in the monster’s mouth. Jake waited until he was inches from death.
Then, he swung his cutlass upward, skewering the beast through the soft flesh under its jaw. With a madman’s strength he forced the blade up through the mouth, stabbing the tongue, through the roof of its mouth, and up into the rotted brain. The hilt of his cutlass rammed the beast’s jaw, the tip just poked through the thick skull. The monster dropped Jake at once, stumbling back and gurgling through its fastened mouth. The beast’s head resembled the most unappetizing deli sandwich Jake had ever seen, with his sword as the colorful toothpick holding the thing together.
Without wasting a moment, Jake grabbed the monster’s fallen bazooka. He shaped his nano-hand into a razor-sharp blade and sliced the top of the rocket-launcher off at an angle. Then he rushed forward and rammed the sharpened barrel into the beast’s body cavity, aiming up towards the head, and, shutting his eyes tight, pulled the trigger.
A sickening swirling sound signaled the missile’s exit, and it instantly struck Jake’s sword and detonated, blowing the top half of the beast’s body to ragged smithereens.
Jake was blasted back from the explosion in a shower of tattered zombie parts, and, upon striking the ground, promptly fell unconscious.


Back across the field, Tony was slowly losing to Gits. He stumbled and staggered backward, barely defending himself against Gits’ twin daggered attacks. Gits was wielding the latest in Umbrella’s arsenal of lethal toys, sais, with blades a foot long, and prongs, 6 inches long, with an electric current running between them and the blades. Tony, defending himself with the exact sword Gits blades were meant to counter, was in over his head. Every thrust and slice of Gits’ that he blocked resulted in a paralyzing shock. And for every attack he failed to defend against he received a painful gash.
Gits hammered away at his foe, relentlessly driving him back toward the main gates of Ninja Pirate Inc.
Gits dodged a swing of Tony’s sword and gave him a stunning kick to the chest. Tony was bounced off of the wall of the building like a rag doll. The one-sided battle continued, with Gits battering away at Tony’s defenses. Tony was gasping for breath, his limbs in fiery agony. Yet Gits refused to even break a sweat. He spoke as calmly as he always did, as if he were doing nothing more taxing than peeling an apple.
"Do you know, vampire," Gits asked a frustrated Tony, "what the best part of the evening will be?"
He didn’t wait for Tony to respond.
"It will be when I leave you dying and then drag your friends out here. I’ll take my time with them. And you can all watch each other die."
He knocked Tony’s katana aside, then lunged forward and drove his sai straight through Tony’s right shoulder and into the cement wall of Ninja Pirate Inc, pinning him like a bleeding, panting, ninja butterfly. He took the other and rammed it into Tony’s left shoulder, again fixing him to the side of the building.
Gits stepped back and adjusted his glasses again, with his twitching left hand.
"Now, you just stay right there and I’ll be back with your friends," said the monster pleasantly.
"No," Tony croaked. "We’re not done."
"What was that?" Gits asked. He stepped back toward Tony. "You need to learn when you’re finished, boy."
He swung a flurry of devastating punches at Tony’s body, cracking his ribs, puncturing his lungs. The cement behind Tony cracked at the onslaught. Gits’ punches were blurred with speed. His last punch snapped Tony’s sternum, and the ruined ninja spat out a mouthful of blood.
"Now, are you through?" asked Gits.
"No," said Tony, in a whisper this time, his lips dripping blood and saliva.
"Well then we can get this over with a little early."
He held Tony’s chin up with one hand, and cocked back the other, ready to pulp the poor vampire’s face into oblivion.
It was then that he met Tony’s gaze.
Gits was taken aback at the frigid wrath in the boy’s stare. Tony’s eyes had become a pure, swirling red. And Gits made the mistake of looking into them for too long. He froze, paralyzed. A fine, white crack appeared on his left lense.
Tony slowly, painfully, reached up and removed the sais from his right shoulder, than his left.
He slid down the wall and made his way over to Gits, who was till standing, frozen.
Tony spun around and delivered a jaw-breaking roundhouse kick to Gits, sending him sprawling.
The evil agent rose, shakily, to see Tony bearing down on him. Tony had become pure shadow. A haunting, red-eyed silhouette.
"Are you prepared?" he asked, in a toneless voice.
His shadow began to stretch and twist into other shadows. A dozen new Tony’s connected at the waist, like the limbs of a tree sprouting from a trunk.
Twenty-four red eyes glared at Gits. Twelve swords gleamed in the night.
For the first time in its existence, the being called Gits knew fear. The twitch in his hand increased. He barely managed to draw two telescoping electro-batons from his jacket.
Then the shadow replicants attacked!
Gits had no hope of fending off so many attacks all at once. Skilled though he was, he was too far outnumbered. The shadow demons were everywhere at once.
Gits deflected the first few strikes, and even destroyed two replicants. But he was without hope. The swords sang through the air, coming from all angles, all directions. Gits was hacked to twitching bits.
When the smoke cleared, Gits was left, cut off at the waist, his left arm a ruined stump, his thin frame covered in countless gashes.
Tony’s shadow clones slowly melted back into his true form, which now stood glaring, glowing an ethereal red.
Jake ran up beside his friend. The pirate warrior was bleeding from a deep wound on his head, his hair was matted with sweat and his once garish costume was in muddy tatters. He was breathing in shallow, pained gasps because of his broken ribs. His hat was askew and his nano-hand was now a large wrench.
Jake wiped a trickle of blood from his nose and looked at the mess of what was once Gits.
"Tony?" Jake asked of his comrade. "Tony, are you alright?"
Tony turned and met his eyes, causing Jake to shudder violently.
Then, a noise distracted them.
"Im-impossible."
It was Gits. Still alive, in defiance of all physiological reason. His voice was a strained and frenzied whisper.
"Impossible," he said again. ‘I . . . I cannot . . . I am . . ." He looked from Tony to Jake, and then back to Tony.
"How?" he asked.
Tony was unsure if he could actually kill Gits, but he was willing to try. He advanced, sword at the ready.
But Gits was not out of tricks yet. He flicked his wrist and a grenade rolled down his sleeve into his open palm.
He threw it at Tony with a desperate heave.
The ninja vampire was caught of guard for a moment. Jake screamed in fright. But Tony, thinking quickly, gave the explosive a swift ninja punt, sending it back at Gits. The bomb slipped past his shiny label and into his blood-stained jacket.
Gits didn’t even have time to scream. The grenade went off with a concussive blast which rocketed Tony and Jake backward. They staggered up to see a small smoking crater where once there was an agent of the Umbrella Corporation.
"Well," said Jake, clearly frazzled, judging by the lack of control he exhibited over his nano-hand, now a rubber duckie, "That was an adventure."
Tony, reverted back to near human form, nodded.
Then Jake made the best suggestion of the night.
"Let’s get waffles."
Tony smiled at his friend and turned to look upon the carnage from the night’s battle.
The view wiped the smile from his face. For the battle was far from over.
The remaining agents of Ninja Pirate Incorporated were slowly being overwhelmed by the zombie horde. The mass of walking corpses was larger than Tony or Jake had been able to comprehend. Despite their valiant fight the zombies shuffled hungrily forward. They tore across the fields in packs, but the main body of ghouls was still making its way to the building. Red, glazed eyes glowed everywhere in the darkness. The eerie moaning sounded from all directions.
Tony and Jake looked at the horror before them, then at each other.
They gripped their swords tighter, clenched their teeth, and started forward, warriors to the last.

I got chills. Did you get chills?
Next time, Tony's write-up, some preliminaries, and the conclusion of the Battle of Ninja Pirate Inc.