Judging Amy
Amy:
1. Amy, I have known you for less than a year. However, in that time you have taught me more about myself and the world around me than any of my other friends have in the entire time I’ve known them. For some reason, for better or for worse, you helped jump-start my much needed internal growth from boy to man. I would have been content to remain a naiive teenager forever, but over the course of less than 365 days you’ve changed me. Subtly, blatantly, properly, or poorly. And I thank you for that.
Hang on, I ain’t finished my piece.
Amy, you stand tall in a small sub-group in the pantheon of hot women I’ve met as being simultaneously one of the funniest and one of the smartest. Too often females neglect their intellectual development. You readers have no idea how much an intelligent girl appeals to me. Amy, you are one of the brightest people I know.
You're funny, too. A funny girl is about as rare as an enjoyable Cake song. You have a well-developed, pleasant sense of humor. So, in this way, too, are you amazing.
Another way you are unlike other girls: You are the most decisive female I know. All women have trouble making simple decisions. (And all generalities are reliable.) You, though similarly impaired as the rest of your sex, are able at times to make willful, spontaneous choices. Bravo for a third time.
You're willful, for certain. At times it may seem like you're unsure of what to do, or are weighing your options. Occasionally you even seem fickle. But I feel you've got you're mind already made up most of the time.
Also, you are the most mature of anyone in our age bracket. It's not always that you're level-headed (because sometimes you're not). It's not because you're a year ahead of us. Or because you're so smart and independent. I hope it's not merely because you're so freakin' tall. For some reason, though I see most of my friends and aquaintances as girls and boys and, of course, Steve as a whiny toddler (just kidding, amigo), I always see you as a woman.
Finally, you are wonderful, Amy, because you're playful and "know how to have fun," as Steve observed. You are not afraid to experiment, be it with food choices or lifestyle patterns. This bold and daring characteristic caps off nicely the whole glorious picture of you.
Or, the whole glorious picture as shown here. In reality, you are perhaps my most complex friend. It might be because I haven't known you as long as I have some others, but I think it's simply because you possesse more intricate levels than many of us. I can tell there's a sublte arrogance about you (and understandably so, you have a lot to be arrogant about.) Also, I occasionally detect a childlike vulnerablity. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of hidden aspirations, or a desire to run from the pressures of your complciated lifestyle and the perils of oncoming adulthood. But they are mere snippets. Waifs of smoke which fade as quickly as they appear. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you're shallow or vascillating. On the contrary, you're almost too deep. So deep you're unfathomable! Ha! (Thank you, Smee.) Looking at others is like staring into glass. Maybe it's completely transparent, maybe slightly opaque, but I can still get a handle on 'em. Examining you, Amy, is like peering into jade.
2. Mike Doughty Song: American Car
It’s one of Mike’s best, an introspective, metaphor-filled little tune, about the devastating and beautiful girls he has seen in his travels.
"Aimless sister you’re surrounded,
Angel faced and I’m astounded.
How sweet you are
In your long black American car."
True, your car is short, blue, and German, but it’s more the spirit that the song conveys, rather than the specific imagery.
"There’s a girl down in the bar,
A flaming star upon her shoulder.
Slugging hot pink frozen drinks
To put the foot down on her smoulder.
"Easy, Cowboy what’s the rush now,
She may cleave me like a snow plow . . ."
Wait a minute. There’s another Doughty song you remind me of. It’s called Unsingable Name. Granted, your name is certainly singable, as confirmed by the Eagles, but it’s the lines regarding the non-moniker aspects of the girl in question.
"Beware the thrum of hearts in your presence and
Watch the breeze that snaps at you now.
All of the dogs that bark from the fences and
Everything is wanting for you.
Smirk on the face and fists in the clenches and
Make the radiator blow now.
Crack all the planks and shatter the lenses and
Mix the salt the sugar and flour."
Other Songs: Oddly enough, nothing by Ani DiFranco. I find it hard, strange as it seems, to associate anyone with their favorite music. However, there is always: Brick House, by the Commodores; Jane, by The Barenaked Ladies; Amy, obviously, by The Eagles; and Always a Woman to Me, by Billy Joel.
Movies? None specifically. If I think hard enough, The Life Aquatic, or Spartan, but that just makes me angry at you.
3. Amy, your season is Spring. Whenever you’re near things seem more colorful and alive. If I picked a verb to describe you, it’d be "bloom." Your month is April. Early Spring, plenty of showers and cold nights, but the few good days are some of the year-round best. Your day is Saturday, generally associated with revelry. Your specific time is around 11:38, PM. Amy, you are late on a Spring Saturday. One feels great all caught up in the moment, not thinking about Sunday morning. But that’s what Confession is for.
4. One word, eh? Captivating. Amy, you demand one's undivided attention from the moment one meets you on. But you are probably unaware of your influence and so demand unconsciously and sweetly.
5. Memorable moments? Oh, there are several to be sure. Were I the libido-driven sleaze I perpetually present myself as, I’d pick one one-sidedly enjoyable occasion. But I think I’d have to say the drive to rescue Andrew. This was the first time I had ever remained in close quarters with you for a long enough time to get some sort of conversation volley going. I learned some little bit about you, and we discussed many pressing topics. Moreover, you fed me a bagel. Much obliged.
I am more thankful than you know that you were there. Not only did I become closer to you, but you somehow made every grievous mishap we encountered (all 125 of ‘em) seem just mildly humorous little slip-ups. Without you there I would surely have burst into tears and returned home minus one lanky crusader.
6. Dog: A black Cocker Spaniel puppy.
Other animals: I’ll have to agree with Steve on this one and say some sort of jungle cat, probably a dark-colored one, a panther, perhaps. Or, that failing, a lithe and lissom snake, with mesmerizing eyes. Maybe a wild-eyed, cavorting mare.
7. Amy, you usually try to see the best in people, or at least, try to convince others of the best in people. You softened my outlook on Pawel and John Risler through your kind-hearted perspective. Whereas with others it is easy to see how they probably feel about other people, positively or negatively, you rarely have a bad thing to say about anyone. So, what I’m getting at is, what does this Goddess really think of us mortals? I’ve have always wondered exactly how you see us, Amy. (By "us" I mean mostly our loose circle of friends and acquaintances, but also the human race as a whole, and especially me.)
8. Hanky code: Cream, gold, orange, rust, and, wishful thinking, gold lame.
9. My ideal day with you, eh? Well, any time spent in your presence is simultaneously the most wondrous and the most painful time in my life thus far. Being with you is like being thirsty in a small boat in the middle of the ocean. So how does one best manage the Agony and the Ecstasy of hangin’ with Amy?
First of all, it’d have to be one on one. Whenever people cluster ‘round you, Amy, as they are so apt to do, they struggle for your attention, sometimes even going so far as to drop their feigned indifference to attract your notice, or to employ the "lamprey technique." Whenever I’m around you any blocks I have in place in my head to restrain loony comments shatter, dams burst, and I become a sort of raving maniac.
Anyway, my point is that time with you should always be one on one. You should begin demanding a limited fee and taking reservations.
So, breakfast at a small town diner, over which we could discuss sexuality and urinary track infections. Then a drive through the rural areas of Massachusetts, stopping along the way to take pictures and pet cows. We’d eventually wind up at a museum of sorts. (I love having intellectual talks with you. You're the one person I don't struggle to agree with.) After the museum, lunch someplace all fancy-like. Then we’d wind up at an isolated lake and frolic in the water. Following an extended bit of basking in the sun’s golden rays we’d take in a movie, have a bit of dinner, and drive home. Before saying good night we’d watch the stars for a while.
10. Villanous character actor? Rebecca Romijn. Unless I am very much mistaken, you have similar lips. Moreover, Rebecca is lithe, graceful, and in touch with her on-screen sensuality. I picture you in one of three roles: If you weren’t cast in the role of Diana in the Wonder Woman film, you’d obviously land Circe, WW’s crafty, purple-haired sorceress nemesis. Or, you’d be the villainess in some historical adventure movie, in which you could bring that world-renowned fencing talent in to play in some final climactic duel. Ideal role: Playful master thief, Carmen Sandiego.
For now, this is all I have to say on the subject of You.
And that, darlin', is my idea of what constitutes a well-wish.
Have fun in California, ya maddening sex-bottle.
Current Mood: Refreshed, replenished, ready.
Current Music: AC-DC, Back in Black.
Okay, not really, but it'd be fitting, huh?
1. Amy, I have known you for less than a year. However, in that time you have taught me more about myself and the world around me than any of my other friends have in the entire time I’ve known them. For some reason, for better or for worse, you helped jump-start my much needed internal growth from boy to man. I would have been content to remain a naiive teenager forever, but over the course of less than 365 days you’ve changed me. Subtly, blatantly, properly, or poorly. And I thank you for that.
Hang on, I ain’t finished my piece.
Amy, you stand tall in a small sub-group in the pantheon of hot women I’ve met as being simultaneously one of the funniest and one of the smartest. Too often females neglect their intellectual development. You readers have no idea how much an intelligent girl appeals to me. Amy, you are one of the brightest people I know.
You're funny, too. A funny girl is about as rare as an enjoyable Cake song. You have a well-developed, pleasant sense of humor. So, in this way, too, are you amazing.
Another way you are unlike other girls: You are the most decisive female I know. All women have trouble making simple decisions. (And all generalities are reliable.) You, though similarly impaired as the rest of your sex, are able at times to make willful, spontaneous choices. Bravo for a third time.
You're willful, for certain. At times it may seem like you're unsure of what to do, or are weighing your options. Occasionally you even seem fickle. But I feel you've got you're mind already made up most of the time.
Also, you are the most mature of anyone in our age bracket. It's not always that you're level-headed (because sometimes you're not). It's not because you're a year ahead of us. Or because you're so smart and independent. I hope it's not merely because you're so freakin' tall. For some reason, though I see most of my friends and aquaintances as girls and boys and, of course, Steve as a whiny toddler (just kidding, amigo), I always see you as a woman.
Finally, you are wonderful, Amy, because you're playful and "know how to have fun," as Steve observed. You are not afraid to experiment, be it with food choices or lifestyle patterns. This bold and daring characteristic caps off nicely the whole glorious picture of you.
Or, the whole glorious picture as shown here. In reality, you are perhaps my most complex friend. It might be because I haven't known you as long as I have some others, but I think it's simply because you possesse more intricate levels than many of us. I can tell there's a sublte arrogance about you (and understandably so, you have a lot to be arrogant about.) Also, I occasionally detect a childlike vulnerablity. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of hidden aspirations, or a desire to run from the pressures of your complciated lifestyle and the perils of oncoming adulthood. But they are mere snippets. Waifs of smoke which fade as quickly as they appear. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you're shallow or vascillating. On the contrary, you're almost too deep. So deep you're unfathomable! Ha! (Thank you, Smee.) Looking at others is like staring into glass. Maybe it's completely transparent, maybe slightly opaque, but I can still get a handle on 'em. Examining you, Amy, is like peering into jade.
2. Mike Doughty Song: American Car
It’s one of Mike’s best, an introspective, metaphor-filled little tune, about the devastating and beautiful girls he has seen in his travels.
"Aimless sister you’re surrounded,
Angel faced and I’m astounded.
How sweet you are
In your long black American car."
True, your car is short, blue, and German, but it’s more the spirit that the song conveys, rather than the specific imagery.
"There’s a girl down in the bar,
A flaming star upon her shoulder.
Slugging hot pink frozen drinks
To put the foot down on her smoulder.
"Easy, Cowboy what’s the rush now,
She may cleave me like a snow plow . . ."
Wait a minute. There’s another Doughty song you remind me of. It’s called Unsingable Name. Granted, your name is certainly singable, as confirmed by the Eagles, but it’s the lines regarding the non-moniker aspects of the girl in question.
"Beware the thrum of hearts in your presence and
Watch the breeze that snaps at you now.
All of the dogs that bark from the fences and
Everything is wanting for you.
Smirk on the face and fists in the clenches and
Make the radiator blow now.
Crack all the planks and shatter the lenses and
Mix the salt the sugar and flour."
Other Songs: Oddly enough, nothing by Ani DiFranco. I find it hard, strange as it seems, to associate anyone with their favorite music. However, there is always: Brick House, by the Commodores; Jane, by The Barenaked Ladies; Amy, obviously, by The Eagles; and Always a Woman to Me, by Billy Joel.
Movies? None specifically. If I think hard enough, The Life Aquatic, or Spartan, but that just makes me angry at you.
3. Amy, your season is Spring. Whenever you’re near things seem more colorful and alive. If I picked a verb to describe you, it’d be "bloom." Your month is April. Early Spring, plenty of showers and cold nights, but the few good days are some of the year-round best. Your day is Saturday, generally associated with revelry. Your specific time is around 11:38, PM. Amy, you are late on a Spring Saturday. One feels great all caught up in the moment, not thinking about Sunday morning. But that’s what Confession is for.
4. One word, eh? Captivating. Amy, you demand one's undivided attention from the moment one meets you on. But you are probably unaware of your influence and so demand unconsciously and sweetly.
5. Memorable moments? Oh, there are several to be sure. Were I the libido-driven sleaze I perpetually present myself as, I’d pick one one-sidedly enjoyable occasion. But I think I’d have to say the drive to rescue Andrew. This was the first time I had ever remained in close quarters with you for a long enough time to get some sort of conversation volley going. I learned some little bit about you, and we discussed many pressing topics. Moreover, you fed me a bagel. Much obliged.
I am more thankful than you know that you were there. Not only did I become closer to you, but you somehow made every grievous mishap we encountered (all 125 of ‘em) seem just mildly humorous little slip-ups. Without you there I would surely have burst into tears and returned home minus one lanky crusader.
6. Dog: A black Cocker Spaniel puppy.
Other animals: I’ll have to agree with Steve on this one and say some sort of jungle cat, probably a dark-colored one, a panther, perhaps. Or, that failing, a lithe and lissom snake, with mesmerizing eyes. Maybe a wild-eyed, cavorting mare.
7. Amy, you usually try to see the best in people, or at least, try to convince others of the best in people. You softened my outlook on Pawel and John Risler through your kind-hearted perspective. Whereas with others it is easy to see how they probably feel about other people, positively or negatively, you rarely have a bad thing to say about anyone. So, what I’m getting at is, what does this Goddess really think of us mortals? I’ve have always wondered exactly how you see us, Amy. (By "us" I mean mostly our loose circle of friends and acquaintances, but also the human race as a whole, and especially me.)
8. Hanky code: Cream, gold, orange, rust, and, wishful thinking, gold lame.
9. My ideal day with you, eh? Well, any time spent in your presence is simultaneously the most wondrous and the most painful time in my life thus far. Being with you is like being thirsty in a small boat in the middle of the ocean. So how does one best manage the Agony and the Ecstasy of hangin’ with Amy?
First of all, it’d have to be one on one. Whenever people cluster ‘round you, Amy, as they are so apt to do, they struggle for your attention, sometimes even going so far as to drop their feigned indifference to attract your notice, or to employ the "lamprey technique." Whenever I’m around you any blocks I have in place in my head to restrain loony comments shatter, dams burst, and I become a sort of raving maniac.
Anyway, my point is that time with you should always be one on one. You should begin demanding a limited fee and taking reservations.
So, breakfast at a small town diner, over which we could discuss sexuality and urinary track infections. Then a drive through the rural areas of Massachusetts, stopping along the way to take pictures and pet cows. We’d eventually wind up at a museum of sorts. (I love having intellectual talks with you. You're the one person I don't struggle to agree with.) After the museum, lunch someplace all fancy-like. Then we’d wind up at an isolated lake and frolic in the water. Following an extended bit of basking in the sun’s golden rays we’d take in a movie, have a bit of dinner, and drive home. Before saying good night we’d watch the stars for a while.
10. Villanous character actor? Rebecca Romijn. Unless I am very much mistaken, you have similar lips. Moreover, Rebecca is lithe, graceful, and in touch with her on-screen sensuality. I picture you in one of three roles: If you weren’t cast in the role of Diana in the Wonder Woman film, you’d obviously land Circe, WW’s crafty, purple-haired sorceress nemesis. Or, you’d be the villainess in some historical adventure movie, in which you could bring that world-renowned fencing talent in to play in some final climactic duel. Ideal role: Playful master thief, Carmen Sandiego.
For now, this is all I have to say on the subject of You.
And that, darlin', is my idea of what constitutes a well-wish.
Have fun in California, ya maddening sex-bottle.
Current Mood: Refreshed, replenished, ready.
Current Music: AC-DC, Back in Black.
Okay, not really, but it'd be fitting, huh?
4 Comments:
I know there is good in John. It just remains buried in a deep sea of asshole. Man, I used to love that guy. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I've become too judgemental and I've lost my indifferent acceptance that kept me so gentle in spirit. Maybe it's me.
Or maybe John is a dick. One that communicates solely through an organ of the same name.
Yee, I'm cleansed. A very nice tribute to the legend known as Amy. I'm sure she'll be very pleased when she reads it. You have a great gift, Rich. Your verse can really lift a person up and make them feel honored. All the while humbly claiming that you can not do them justice. Bravo.
By
Zoopers, at 12:09 AM
Damn, wow, yeah. Thank you Rich, this was probably the most rich (Rich!) flattering thing anyone's ever written about me.
You know, you seem to see me exactly as I've always wanted to be seen. You've shined my ivory tower -- with you, I no klonger have an objective... I don't have anything to prove. ;-) I feel very real. Thanks.
Of course, I have been awash in a puddle of complete and utterly unabashed self-absorbed for the past several minutes. :) And it's been working for me so I'm going to run with it. HERE, my friend, are what I would consider some of the highlights of my expert adulation:
"Too often females neglect their intellectual development. You readers have no idea how much an intelligent girl appeals to me." -- Ha, tell me about it ;)
"A funny girl is about as rare as an enjoyable Cake song." -- ::grumbles:: if you hadn't just called me *funny*, I'd be hopping around, hooting and gesticulating wildly in the direction of my favorite Cake songs. There's one really great line which (while we're on the topic of ME) I've always tried to identify with (sometimes successfully, other times unsucessfully) in some Cake song whose name escapes me, that says, "when she walks she moves her arms instead of her hips. when she talks she moves her mouth instead of her lips." That lyric is just so simple and perfect. And there's more where that came from! I'm just going to have to continue chipping away at you untill you give in. Cake is a great band.
"All women have trouble making simple decisions. (And all generalities are reliable.) " -- OR, you could flip that around and say that we like to weigh our options rather than pounding headlong into an oblivious, undefined future. ::sticks out tongue:: Eh, you knew you were going to get yelled at for that one ;-)
"You are not afraid to experiment, be it with food choices or lifestyle patterns. " -- Speaking of indecision... ::grin::
"Examining you, Amy, is like peering into jade." -- What beautiful imagery. I am not worthy... ::puts in memory book:: Actually that whole section was pretty insightful.
Spartan. Ha. Ha. Ha.
"Your specific time is around 11:38, PM. Amy, you are late on a Spring Saturday. One feels great all caught up in the moment, not thinking about Sunday morning. But that’s what Confession is for." --I laughed out loud at this one. ;)
"Were I the libido-driven sleaze I perpetually present myself as, I’d pick one one-sidedly enjoyable occasion." -- it wasn't one-sided, it just wasn't going anywhere. I still heart you the same.
"Moreover, you fed me a bagel. Much obliged." --Ah yes, possibly the most erotic moment of my life. lol
"Maybe a wild-eyed, cavorting mare." -- That's AWESOME!!
How do I think of you (friend circle, human race, you personally)? Very fondly, man, very very fondly.
Wow, that sounds like a fun day, that one you described :D And, hey, I used to LOVE Carmen Sandiego, but growing up I had a friend who was actually named Carmen, so she obviously had dibs.
Man, you got through this whole Quiz without once making fun of my spelling. Haha ;) You're a great friend Rich, and a very whole person. Thanks again.
--Her Highness, the Godess Amy
By
Anonymous, at 4:44 PM
Her spelling was pretty solid up to "godess," I thought.
By
Zoopers, at 6:13 PM
Not sure I understood that one, Steve.
Please, enlighten me over coffee sometime.
And to Amy, I'm glad you found my write-up so enjoyable. I endeavor to give satisfaction.
By
Richard Joseph, at 2:43 AM
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