All the cool kids have done it . . .
Well, eventually I hope to complete a monsterous entertainment post, with reviews of two new CD's done by a coupla my closest pals coinciding with a new fleet of "Friend"ships. Until then, however, I offer as distraction this nifty online test which has appeared on many of the online journals of people I love and or hate.
I'd say that the results are fairly accurate. Firstly, as many can attest to, I am an especially inept flirter. My strategy is usually blantant sexual advances in the form of humor, and awkward teasing or constant friendly, near brotherly, support. Either that or I make the person hate me, and then gradually grow on them. This method takes about two years and is so far unrewarding. So 23% sounds about right.
Skipping to the end, I reckon this percentage is pretty close, too. As the only thing I have been fully intimate with as of yet is my right hand, I can confidently say that I deserve an 88. If I only had a full body to practice on I imagine I could really work some magic. Any volunteers? Don't all step forward at once, now.
The two middle stats are slightly uncertain. As far as kissing goes, I'd hope I rank in the top 5 percentile, but I've never kissed myself. Can I get any verification of this? Am I that good? Jess? . . . Amy? . . . . . . . . . Dan?
50% in cuddling? Bullshit! I cry bullshit! (Note to Tony here: As you have never actually witnessed the glory that is Commando, you are unworthy of using any and all lines from the film. I will perry your thrust in good time, amigo. 'Til then, only quote from movies you have seen. Seems only right.) Where was I? Oh yeah! 50%!? Aside from a little premature ejaculation I'm a great cuddler. Right? Jess? . . . Amy? . . . Dan?
And the last two facts are about dead on. As a chivalrous gentleman, and natural submissive, I always give more than I recieve. And lack of flexibility leads to complications when trying to inact my numerous, depraved fantasies.
Well, comment on this on if you like, or not, I could care less. There is little to comment on, anyway. Although, one funny fact: If I use my full name (Captain Ricardo "P-Funk" Chavez Sugrue Esquire) I get terrible scores. (A kissing percentage of 6, for example.) Whereas I am much more successful if I go by my stage name (Chard.) I guess people are turned off, and I am burdened by, that much zany pretention.
So anyways . . .
The Stats:
I'd say that the results are fairly accurate. Firstly, as many can attest to, I am an especially inept flirter. My strategy is usually blantant sexual advances in the form of humor, and awkward teasing or constant friendly, near brotherly, support. Either that or I make the person hate me, and then gradually grow on them. This method takes about two years and is so far unrewarding. So 23% sounds about right.
Skipping to the end, I reckon this percentage is pretty close, too. As the only thing I have been fully intimate with as of yet is my right hand, I can confidently say that I deserve an 88. If I only had a full body to practice on I imagine I could really work some magic. Any volunteers? Don't all step forward at once, now.
The two middle stats are slightly uncertain. As far as kissing goes, I'd hope I rank in the top 5 percentile, but I've never kissed myself. Can I get any verification of this? Am I that good? Jess? . . . Amy? . . . . . . . . . Dan?
50% in cuddling? Bullshit! I cry bullshit! (Note to Tony here: As you have never actually witnessed the glory that is Commando, you are unworthy of using any and all lines from the film. I will perry your thrust in good time, amigo. 'Til then, only quote from movies you have seen. Seems only right.) Where was I? Oh yeah! 50%!? Aside from a little premature ejaculation I'm a great cuddler. Right? Jess? . . . Amy? . . . Dan?
And the last two facts are about dead on. As a chivalrous gentleman, and natural submissive, I always give more than I recieve. And lack of flexibility leads to complications when trying to inact my numerous, depraved fantasies.
Well, comment on this on if you like, or not, I could care less. There is little to comment on, anyway. Although, one funny fact: If I use my full name (Captain Ricardo "P-Funk" Chavez Sugrue Esquire) I get terrible scores. (A kissing percentage of 6, for example.) Whereas I am much more successful if I go by my stage name (Chard.) I guess people are turned off, and I am burdened by, that much zany pretention.
So anyways . . .
The Stats:
4 Comments:
yeah, I had fun changing my name around and stuff. I had the best luck with Eddy McCorkindale rather than my full name.
lata dude, glad you update now, lol
By
Sled, at 7:22 AM
If you want to get techincal, I was quoting you, quoting Commando. You do it often enough. I was going for an ironic jab, there.
Feel free to parry away, but keep in mind that my next rebuttle would likely be "why giant robots are awesome." I'd agree to disagree, but go on and get your last thrusts in.
. . .
Wow, when was the last time I told you THAT?
You wouldn't happen to have a copy of Commando, would you? We need to watch that together. I go back to school soon, so we better do it this week. OBEY OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES! I have Dr. Stockman on speed-dial, and he's got a full crate of mousers for you.
By
Zoopers, at 1:29 PM
I don't think I'd rank you in the top 5% of kissers... you're far too aggressive for my taste. And as for the prematureness, don't worry, it happens to lots of guys. (chuckles) Lots of guys, yeah right. Oh where was I? So anyway, this is probably the type of thing we should have discussed in private... yeah. (cough)
... ,
The "Please-Don't-Tell-Anyone-At-The-Academy" Cadet
By
Anonymous, at 1:12 AM
dude...
If you are sick of me or something, just fucking tell me. I'd rather hear the truth.
As well, you are the one that told me to start a blog, but to the best of my knowledge the only time you read and commented was one time back in October. If you aren't going to read it, then don't tell me that you will.
lata dood.
By
Sled, at 4:39 AM
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